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LAUNCHPADS
"The Shitting Corner"
Editor’s Note: The whole point of our award-deserving Lauchpads column has always been to provide a semi-serious exploration of the physical spaces our staff and readers use for spiritual practice (meditation, prayer, visualization, mantra, whatever). Yet this entry--submitted by Jason Luther (editor of the fantastic The Onanist) as a parody of Paul S.’s “The Spitting Corner”--was just so damn funny we couldn’t resist posting it here. Take it away, asshole….
Name: D.J. Handsome.
Location: Reno, NV
Comments: "I look forward to my trips to this throne not because of the release it gives my intestines, but more because it’s where a lot my contemplation occurs. This is my bathroom. As you can see, it’s a quaint little abode with a duck theme (see the curtains?). It’s also adequately equipped with all the tools a dumping ground should have:
- A reading basket (on right) that includes a variety of texts, including (but not limited to): The Far Side Gallery, Bart Simpson’s Guide to Life, Macworld, The Believer, Glamour, and Let’s Go: USA 2002.
- Air Wick air freshener by Wizard (on top of toilet) which makes all shit smell like sparkling citrus.
- A duck candle (on top of toilet), in case the smell really gets out of control.
- A plush carpet to keep my feet warm.
- Toilet paper (duh) and tissue reserves.
Phase 1: The first thing I reach for when I sit down is usually Let’s Go: USA 2002, which has a permanent home in the reading basket. Since I love to travel, I meditate on places in the US I’d like to visit, fantasizing about which hostels I’d stay at, where I’d grab my microbrews, and how I’d get around. I also like to study the maps in
the front and back of this magnificent publication, studying landscapes of major cities in this great nation.
Phase 2: Because I drink a lot of smoothies and coffee in the morning, I usually make about two trips to the bathroom before noon (three after a night of drinking), so the reading can get a little old after awhile. Under these circumstances, I put aside my reading list to reflect upon my eating habits and general consumption. I usually tell myself to stop wasting money on beers and burgers and treat my digestive system to healthier alternatives like cous cous and tofu. If I’m feeling anxious, I consider the possibility that I’m developing hemorrhoids from sitting on the toilet too long. That’s what they told my dad, at least. And if I’m not reading or thinking about my terrible hedonism, I talk obnoxiously to anyone in my cell phone’s address book. And no, I don’t tell them what I’m up to.
Phase 3: I’m sure you don’t want to hear about Phase 3.
My bathroom is a special place. In fact, I was saddened this past January when my landlord replaced my old toilet with the one you see in this picture. Though it has taken some time, I’m finally getting more comfortable in my new shitting corner."
Submit a photo of your own meditation space along with a brief bio and description of your space and the practices you use it for to launchpads@the-manifest.org.
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